"Now I don't sleep with a loaded gun pointed at my head."

    Marta, a 20-something Hispanic inmate sat quietly at her place in the classroom and softly said, “My husband died last year in a drug deal gone bad and while I miss him, I’m glad he’s gone.  He began beating me early in our marriage and while I was shocked at first, I knew that I was responsible and tried to keep him happy.

    “My husband had a bad drug habit when we met but I figured I could help him.  All he needed was a woman to love him and he would no longer need to use drugs.  It didn’t work that way.  No matter what I did, he was angry with me.  If I looked out the window when we were in the car and happened to see a guy on the sidewalk, he would punch me and accuse me of being unfaithful to him.  If I didn’t dust and vacuum the house every day, he went into a rage and accused me of sleeping with the neighbor instead of taking care of the house.  If I served chicken for dinner and he wanted beef, he would rage until bedtime.  I never knew what would set him off and felt like I was always one outburst away from death.

    “When my husband began dealing drugs life took an ugly turn.  The guys he worked with often crashed at our house and they frightened me.  My husband was insanely jealous of me and slept with a loaded gun pointed at my head.  He wanted to make sure that I didn’t sneak out of bed to have sex with one of his associates in the other room.  Believe me that was the last thing I wanted!  One night he didn’t come home and I awoke to the police knocking on my door.  My husband had been killed and now I was alone.

    “The relief I felt at first was wonderful.  I didn’t have to fear a beating anymore and I could sleep without fearing that the loaded pistol would accidently discharge during the night.  But I soon realized that without my husband I also did not have money to buy groceries or pay the rent.  My landlord threatened to evict me; I had no job skills and didn’t know where to turn.  I had no family nearby because they were still in Mexico so I agreed to deliver ‘packages’ for one of my husband’s associates.  Bad choice because here I am.”